I am sitting here contemplating as to how I am where I am now. The road I took was quite hard, but not uniquely so. Everyone goes through some form of trials and tribulation to get to where they are. Though I view myself unique in the grand scheme I am one of many who have done it "my" way. In all the world in all the times someone had gone and taken the road I did to get to the here and now, my only saving grace is that I who am here took it as me. It is irrelevant to think that this path wasn't my own when no one can be me. No one think exactly like me, looks like me, acts like me, and is where I am.
I try not to think about how hard it was, how lazy I was, or how much my self made luck carried me. I find it pointless at times to try to understand the reasoning, yet I still put myself out to pine over the details. I am a man who stubernly races forward, but always looks to his rear view mirror at what I left behind.
The worst thing is I can never seem to feel accomplished, I always push for more and try for better, almost destructively. I do my best not to put up fronts simply because it would hinder my path forward. I've have done things that I should regret, but I can't because they've already happened . It's not like I positively learn from those I just erase them outwardly and leave the blemish inside.
Sometime I just need to vent a little.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
And so it began. I was in a rut after a prolonged stint in the purgatory of artist block and a self imposed emotional coma. Then Valentines Day came around, though I have never been a fan, something spectacular happened. I had called up my close friend on a matter that had happened the day before which concerned me, and she told me about the American Illustrators 28 and so this began....
This began with choosing a piece I had done during my college days in Joo Chung's Class. This was something I had liked and and since I was strapped for time and being that the concept was quite good I decided to do a Redux. (Which, Btw I had planned on doing all along.)
I took the main concepts and how I executed them on the piece Prior, and worked a ruff sketch of ideas. I started with "dirtying" the Paper and picking a color I thought worked for the mood. I went over the pencils line with Conti and free handed parts to give it a more organic free flowing feel.
I then inked the piece darkening parts with washes and pastels. I took pen nibs and small paint brushes to flesh out some detail lines and particular parts. For example details like the creases in the skeletal figure and the female figure's Hair.
I then added more washes and chose to include red and yellow to add contrast and a color pattern for the eye to follow around the painting. I painted the background white to give the line work and colors a better back drop, also giving the figures a different tone from the rest of the background.
As with the main concept in original work, the main focus was the small girl in the foreground. So, I took velum made a circle to give me a rough estimate of the size I wanted her to be and drew within the parameters. I then used an old method of retracing and shaded the back of the velum with conti and retraced the drawing over the "BG" figures. Using a lot of references to get the proper pose and facial expression for the figure.
Prior, I had gone over the "BG" with gesso mixed heavily with water to give it a layered affect. I was hesitant to do so, because the piece had become "Precious" to me. Forcing myself was the hardest part. I added an apple in her hand to correlate with the other female figure, later to be used as a color pattern. I tried to save the under piece by "washing" the gesso of painted parts, but ended up wiping away the detail I had done and tried to save.
I decided to "trace" the "rips" caused by my attempt at saving the details to emphasize the layer affect and to differentiate the important aspects of the "BG" figures. I liked the affect so I decided to retrace the main lines and give the traces an actual rip look with the brush strokes. Afterwards I gave the main figure a thick black out line to further emphasize her importance in the piece as well as stay true to the original concept.
Feeling a lack of definition I added more black and decided to paint the Crane white instead of keeping it's color to the background paint. Noticing after a while that the right side was to "heavier" I painted the teeth of the wolf white as well forgoing the yellow concept altogether.
After more hours of thought I came the conclusion to go with White and red and tracing over my originally black line work with white for some of the background figures to give it a more pop look in contrast to the dark washed background paint. I then took great care in adding the "Anxiety" lines which were a main part of the original concept being sure to keep them away from the parts of the piece that weren't "ripped". I did my best effort to color the BG figures in a flat manner and painting the Girl with more detail and depth. The reason being was to differentiate the two as different planes.
Finally I darkened the figure and minor details throughout the piece, whilst lightening some parts to give it some push and pull.
I am quite happy with how it turned out and enjoyed the learning process. In total the entire adventure took about 2 weeks to complete, on and off on a every other day basis. Estimated total time might have been between 24 and 30 hours of actually working give or take an hour or two for conceptualizing and reference hunting. Now that I completed it I can start on other personal projects knowing I was able to finish one well thought through Piece on my own.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
So Coffee...hmm What an odd substance. I personally Love the F-ing thing, but to what degree. I have a plethora of stories revolving around "Coffee" I've made friends through coffee breaks, talked to interesting people whilst drinking coffee, posed for pictures, and a whole other bunch of non sensical type things. For this installment I will write a short little Blurb about a coffee Hunt.
So I love coffee neigh I am quite addicted to it, so much so i need at least one cup a day so i don't end up grumpy, I can live with out Cigarettes for days, but coffee is another animal in itself. Of course I don't need to tell you that after all you have to be interested in Coffee your self Hmm? Well as for me I have a odd habit of drinking coffee to undo my hunger, you know when your hungry but its late and you don't want to hate your self for eating at like 4 am. Anyway so I was talking to My good friend and she we chat reminisce and what have you about NYC and i notice it's getting late. I am at my aunts apartment she is a well to do cook and she needed someone to help her buy things as she made her magic in the kitchen, but I digress, So I am here and well I remember I haven't had my daily Dose of caffeine. So on that note I look for coffee whilst everyone is sleeping as I prepare the water, my mug and the french press. If you never had french press coffee your missing out. So I look where the coffee was, I assumed, nothing just tea. So i look deeper, still nothing and more tea. Im starting to get agitated and realize i actually haven't had a good cup of coffee in like 3 days just watered down BS. So i get frantic and i look everyone, and i come to the sick realization that I never actually knew where the coffee was, EVER. So i get desperate and I search in places any average person would probable not look. I start to dread that maybe she converted to Tea which would mean my french press haven has been closed down. I get angry, but I am in New York the city that never sleeps and I also am located near my old college so there coffee places I familiar to. So I make it my mission not to sleep till I have drank me some JAVA. (Not that I actually can coffee to me is like my warm milk)
So determined I put on my socks and look for my aunts keys, being that this isn't my house i would have no way to get back in, Problem. I cannot locate said Keys, I look all over the coat area and the places where they would be. Key rack, Nada. Key box, Nothing. It dawns on me that maybe there in her room, in her bag. Well fuck that Idea she is a hard woman to deal with on a normal basis and waking her up at 2 am to find her keys would be like signing my death warrant. But Since my uncle leave his stuff outside I remember he has a set himself so lucky me! I must admit rummaging through his wallet for the KEY card was a moral stretch, but at this point i was feeling very grumpy and he was asleep so F-it. I was now ready with all i needed.
I was Running low so I decided to snag a few from my uncle's pack, thank God he smokes menthol. So I walk out with a unlit smoke in my mouth, I could taste the menthol on my lips, It was cool. As the elevator was on it's way down I noticed how small a normal Cigarette was compared to my 100's, and I Also noticed my uncle pack them really tight, It looked to me like maybe about a half in of paper, so i proceed to fold it. The elevator dings and I proceed out. Holy crap. It's raining like nobodies business outside, but I am already outside and i needed my coffee! As I trudge along the maze that is
Friday, October 23, 2009
(Image above is copy written to is original distributer and owner & The image is provided by Link: high_fidelity.jpg )
Me and HIGH Fidelity.
This Isn't a review of the movie with the same title. Or my opinion about said movie. All this is, is a story about me and this (In my opinion) one of the most life affirming movies Ever.
So my love affair started long ago during my first relationship, the break up part. You know how that is, I would assume. Couple weeks later it happened to play on tv and I watched the whole thing and it made me feel better. Ok I will admit this wasn't the first time I had watched this film, but for some reason this time around it made a little more sense and i was able to laugh at my pain and anguish. Sure I was still a unschooled Kid, child, Virgin for that matter. So High Fidelity just made me laugh allowed me to realize relationships end and you move on. Well that what I learned form it that time around. Magically It happened again I had ended another relationship and I found my self sitting at home sulking and it played on tv once more. But this time around I was much older, not by much but enough time had passed, and this movie made more sense to me. Part of it I had not understood before made more sense, like the reminising parts of the movie, the listing past girl freinds, and being angry. Still a virgin BTW, but that would not have made it's inpact this time around less significant less helpful. So this odd little movie kept comming in and out of my life seemingly after every break up after all the heart aches and stupidity an adolecent will go through. So i realized this was something that i needed to keep around cuase as i grew up this movie opened up more and more to me like secrets or points I could not understand the first time around were finally being shown to me. Now of-course the scene where Rob was deing in angiush about Ien being the best lover in the entire world made such and inpact on me. (No longer a virgin at this point) And as I went through life this movie just keept getting better and everytime i watched it, as the years past and the times changed I would end up corrolating it to my life my trials and tribulations. And i found it all the time comforting liek a freind that always knew what to say, and I eventually bought it one day at Barnse & Noble.
So I watched it just recently and could not get it out of my mind how much this one movies has been such an influence on my life as a whole, odd maybe cool i think so. It's just that even though me as a person am not a music aficionado I get it. Passion man, loving what you do, what your into just gives life meaning. It's got Kick ass soundtrack too. So as i watch the movie and grow up with it I can't help but wish about the next time i watch it, like what will i have learned in the time between? you know cuase It just keep getting more meaningful as igo along with my life. Personally i can't wait to watch this movie when I am 26, or when i am 34. You know and I just can't help, but wonder what cool secret will it have after all those years and all those experiences have gone by. Well here to you HIGH Fidelity and thats what you mean to me.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So I've been sick, and sitting home drawing I just felt like sharing my drawings with the world. Actually that was the intentions of me starting a blog in the first place, I wanted a outlet to talk about how I deal with down time, the commute, and how amazingly easy it is to start small talk with people when you draw a quickie portrait of someone. Small description about it is me having an outlet to talk about how my art and how it comes into being or what wonderful person I encountered and drew that day.
This was me trying to break in a new pen, and practicing some anatomy from memory. Shit's tough.
This little piece is an idea I threw around for a larger painting or cover for my comic in Progress. Finally finished the story and Character design.
OHM, A quick drawing i did based off of all the portraits i have accumulated through the years of drawing life. I personally think it;s a pretty good try at a made up face. Ehh, I like it.
And this is just me f*cking with the pen and how I just love to draw fast quick and messing with fore shortening.
Well for more interesting things Check back you might see a painting or two pop up. Thanks
Saturday, July 11, 2009
So a couple of weeks have gone by with out me updating...lets chalk it up to laziness shall we, I am still quite new to this blogging experience (yes a 21st century man whom is new to OB's shut up)
As you may or may not know I am currently located in the island of the Philippines, vacationing and trying to find my artistic Muse, Or at least something, that can justify all the partying i am doing. The thing i like most about this place is the simplicity of it all. It's so calm and laid back, and yet really really fucked up. I mean I've been to a person house and it was larger than most people's dream homes, I'm talking compound as in your very own gas station in your property? And yet I walk around seeing people/children beg for money wearing nothing but really tattered cloth. Yet, don't be fooled cause if you are so poor why wear eye shadow? Seriuosly i saw a little girl begging and she looked impoverished alright but had mascara on. Welp not to nock it this is how this place work, the rich are rich the poor are poor.
But someone once told me talking about politics, religion, and money just causes disagreement. So f it, but truly this place is like many other places in the world, you got the good with the bad, and such is life. I personally believe you can't taste how sweet life is until you have bitten the bitterness of it. But enough of that, maybe i divulge the disturbing crap I have seen one day.
Let me give you a quick summary of what i have been doing here.
Touch down, some time 1 month ago, I got to manila Talked with my Uncle about work, got something in the works now. Went around for a few days seen the interesting part of the Capital of my homeland and went places an ordinary person could not go. Had some fun with some foreigners (Like myself but i blend in) asking them were there from and what not, nothing harmful just asking friendly questions such as "Hay Hi, were you from...blah blah" or "your not from here are you?". Pretentious yes, Harmful no. All i gotta say about that one is, people are really not that trusting.
Highlights of my Manila stay. Uym, Fashion magazine anybody? eheh. Yeah so like I'm from New York, and my previous lover was a very well versed fashion student, whom i thank and acknowledge for my fashion sense now. I was just drinking some starbucks and a very attractive lady comes up to me and asks if she can take my picture, little did i know it was for a urban fashion magazine, Bwhahah. OK, so i have no idea if i got in or not but still flattered they'd ask me. And on Father's Day the day I left I had butter Crab, which was awe-inspiringly good, but the kicker for that day was, when someone commented on my Hat and greated my Happy Fathers day. Funny.
Downer of the trip, as i was walking in the mall there called Green Hills I was shocked as to the assumption of people there, I come from the south so when i speak i have a southern accent (south being southern Philippines) and I noticed that no one would ask me to buy anything. Like they would the other people passing the vendors by, Until of course i accidentally spoke in english and they heard my American accent. Which brought them down like a shark feeding frenzy. Personally i was shocked when my companion told me why that was. F-ed Up, yes very much so.
Ehh a lot spoken already tune Next week kids to part Deuce. Ricco Hit's Davao.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
So this is my Short Blurb into the Blog spot world I needed to do this so that I have an outside source For my Blogging Needs and this was a Viable source. OK sooo Let's Get this Cracking.
I Am right Now as we speak in the Philippines Islands spreading the Legend of GAR, Just me being me sooo Enjoying the hot sun Cheap smokes and Plethora of woman to talk to and admire. Yes Yes enjoy enjoy. So, what to do what to do nothing to talk about as such, due to not much yet. I could go on and on about the day of which i lived but i'd rather save that for an early work Day. Movie deal, is in my near future, I just need to settle the details...Tehe. Well that good enough for a simple first time Blog Spot. And more to come....Enjoy My Misadventures!!!